Sara Rajaei

ON THE BEACH, A METER AWAY ON THE RIGHT SIDE, A FAMILY OF FOUR IS MY NEIGHBOR. WHILE PUTTING OIL ON HER HUSBAND’S BACK, THE LADY SHOUTS, REMINDING HER KIDS NOT TO RUN TOO FAR.

A PALE OLD LADY IS LYING ON A WHITE TOWEL IN FRONT OF ME. I THINK, TO TAN SHE’S BEEN HERE SINCE MORNING.
A GOOD-LOOKING YOUNG MAN WITH A BARKING DOG IS MY LEFT HAND SIDE NEIGHBOR. EVER SINCE I HAVE ARRIVED, I FEEL HIS GAZE. AS I TURN MY HEAD I NOTICE THE LADY ON THE RIGHT, LOOKING INTO ANOTHER DIRECTION. SHE’S INDEED, AWARE OF THE TENSION I HAVE WITH THAT YOUNG MAN.

BEHIND ALL OF US A YOUNG COUPLE LANDS ON THE SANDS. THE BOY PUTS HIS HEAD ON THE GIRL'S BELLY…
I FORCE MYSELF TO LOOK AWAY.

MY BEACH NEIGHBORS AND I, ALL TRY TO IGNORE ONE ANOTHER. I THINK OF MY REAL NEIGHBORS WHOM, I GREET WITH SMILES OF RECOGNITION WHILE OUR GLANCES EVERY NOW AND THEN.
THIS YOUNG MAN WHO’S NOW CLOSE ENOUGH TO ME TO EVEN TOUCH, MIGHT BE ATTRACTIVE SURROUNDED BETWEEN FOUR WALLS, BUT IN THESE TINY CLOTHS, SITTING A METER AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER, EVEN OUR GLIMPSES ARE SPREADING SHAME AND IF I’M NOT EMBARRASSED TO PEEP AROUND, MY BLUE-JEANS AND PAIR OF SNICKERS HELP ME SO.

THERE ARE NO SECRETS IN THE AIR, STORIES TO BE TOLD, OR WALLS TO CONTAIN SUCH...
CLOSED ENVELOPES AND BOXES, OFTEN SEDUCE ME. I REMEMBER ONCE, I READ A NOTE, WHICH WAS HANGING FROM A BOUQUET ON THE TOP OF A GRAVE. I GOT BACK TO THAT GRAVE AND APOLOGIZED SEVERAL TIMES. HE WAS DEAD BUT STILL HAD HIS WALLS OF PROTECTION.

I SMILE AT THE OLD LADY WHO IS NOW FOLDING HER TOWEL TO LEAVE. SHE SMILES BACK AT ME. I REALIZE THERE IS COMPANY HERE, FEELINGS TO BE SHARED, EVEN NOW… WHILE I’M ALONE.
Sara Rajaei, Duindorp, 2005