10 - Human Microbe Cheese:
You know that fluff in your bellybutton? Well that, along with bacteria taken from tears and the inside of someone’s nose, has been turned into cheese. Not just one cheese, but 11 different cheeses which apparently taste “like the body odour of the donor”. American scientist Christina Agapakis and Norwegian scent expert Sissel Tolaas are the team responsible and have just exhibited their creations as part of an exhibition about synthetic biology in Dublin, lovely.
9 - Spit Beer
Staying on the culinary theme, saliva contains amylase which when combined with starch creates sugars. Whether it was the Japanese in the 3rd century BC or Amazonian tribes who came up with this first, the technique has made its way all the way to Mediamatic in 2017 when saliva, starch, sugar and yeast were combined with some fancy packaging to make Anivor, an alcoholic beverage “based off the unique flavors that the body produces”.
8 - Urine Bricks
Slightly less tasty, but equally useful, University of Cape Town students have created a zero-waste building material made with human urine, which hardens at room temperature, as an alternative to environmentally taxing kiln-fired bricks. To quote Maria Bacila who covered the story for Mediamatic, “the prospects looks sunny-yellow for both urine and the construction industry. Stay hydrated.”
7 - Face cream
As well as producing the most informative of blogposts, Mediamatic hosts numerous artists one of whom, Isabel Burr Raty has created “beauty bio-products that she manufactures with female sexual fluids”. Each product contains samples “farmed” from women at different stages of ovulation and have different purposes and properties. Looking for anti-ageing cream? We’d recommend the cervical collagen, but if you’re looking for a toner, a "squirt-based toner mist taken at full-body orgasm" will do nicely.
6 - Lasagne
While we’re on the topic of vaginas, who knew there were so many uses for a placenta? Parenting site mom.me provides a host of options from jewellery, to art to…dinner. It’s quite common to have the placenta processed into capsules; but you could just skip that step, keep things fresh and make lasagne. Afterall, you can’t get more ethical meat than your own.
5 - Pink slime
Still hungry? Lean beef trimmings and cows blood can be treated with ammonia and used to glue small cuts of meat into larger, amalgamated pieces. This “meat glue” is also known a “pink slime” and banned in the EU but available elsewhere for those mutant meat-lovers amongst you, (you know who you are…). Maybe something to consider for the next neo-futurist dinner?
4 - Tears
At number four we finally have a product that you can and should buy commercially. Lachrymo produces bottled water “containing purified tears from victims who have suffered because of water pollution.” because “empathizing with individuals and understanding their experience gives us perspective, insight, and a new way to relate with the impacts of polluted environments. We collect any tears that are shed, run them through a distillation process, then package them for consumption.” A fresh way to address a crucial topic.
3- Breast Milk Jewellery
Described as “a unique way to remember those special hours, days or even years of nursing your little one”, iddybiddybudha.com uses a secret solidifying process to transform a smile of your breastmilk into a "milky stone”. This is then ground down and set with a sprinkling of glitter if you so wish.
2 - Hair Jewellery
My personal favourite, the Hårkullor or “hair ladies” of Sweden have been practicing the delicate art of hair jewellery since 1824. They would be commissioned by wealthy women to create delicate bracelets and tokens from their hair which would then to be presented to recipients of their affections. Modern versions of this could be Maison Martin Margiela wig coat and felting from your dogs fur. But I personally love the respect to material that these women show through their intricate creations.
1- Semen Jewellery
Finally the office No 1. favourite product made from human secretions is…semen jewellery. Yup.…someone had to do it, didn’t they?
Thanks to therealfamilyjewels.com you can send your or your partner’s ejaculate (with their permission) and have it made into a charming necklace. Choose between “Classic “ or “Rhinestone Cowboy”, to celebrate a special occasion “free of judgement”. Well that’s Valentine’s Day 2020 sorted then…