Eloise Peredruk

Regulated Sex

Sex advise from the National Institute for Health and Environment

Just when we thought the 1.5 meter rule had completely fucked up our sex lives, the Ministry of Health, Welfare and Sport released a set of rules and regulation for safe sex. Solo sex or sex with others (at a distance) is possible. Slightly confusing though as this must be done so keeping at least 2 arm lengths.

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Image by Tinkelbell - Museum N8 2004 at Mediamatic

The National Institute for Health and Environment website offers answers to uncertainty over coronavirus, sex and STDs. They refer to advise from Soa Aids Nederland on the following approved acts;

  • Masturbation; both solo and mutual (keeping at least 1.5 meters away... Hmm)
  • Sexting (don't send nudes without consent, Soa recommends Sense for safe webcam sex)
  • Online group sex through Skype or Zoom orgies (Zorgies)
  • Watching porn (Pornceptuals isolation porn)
  • Reading or listening to erotica
  • Teledildonics (the use of remote controlled sex toys)

There is something so unsexy about the government telling you how to get off. Regulated sex just seems a bit... stale. Yet thankfully the government turns up the heat by adding casual sex into the mix. Government approved fuck buddies! (Hurray!). Friends with benefits, sex buddies and cuddly buddies can indeed become 'corona buddies'.

But to do so safely we are advised to make 'good agreements' to limit the risk, such as; adhering to the corona restrictions and not having sex with others (getting committed real quick). Lastly, discuss waiting 2 weeks before sex, as it can take up to 2 weeks for symptoms to show.

The 2 week rule is a tricky one. Do we wait 2 weeks every time we encounter someone new? What about the cashier in the supermarket? The bike next to me at the red light? Navigating the ambiguity of a 1.5 meter society will be a difficult one. But at least our fuck buddies are not cancelled. For 2 weeks, intermittently, biweekly, sporadically. We are not quite sure.